Cowboy in me
by cedarrapidsgirl78
Summary: Jim and Bones have been through a lot together.


Title: Cowboy in me  
Author: cedarrapidsgirl78  
Pairing: Jim Kirk/Leonard McCoy  
Rating:PG  
Disclaimer: Don't own.  
A/N affectingly made a post about this post on the Kirk/McCoy kink meme based on the Tim McGraw song "Cowboy in Me." And so this fic was born. The lyrics to the song are at the end of the story. Much thanks for luckycricket_1 for the beta, and paintchipped for telling me 'yes, that paragraph sounds good' when I was angsty.

Jim Kirk was always what the people of Riverside called a wild child. There were whispers about Winona, saying that she wasn't able to ever to control her youngest son. The little old ladies that gossiped said that Jim was just like George Kirk growing up all over again.

Riverside was still a quiet little town, despite the addition of the Riverside Shipyard some years before, and some things in a small town never change. Just like the little old ladies that gossip, there will always be at least one boy who will rebel, push the boundaries, and get in trouble more often than not. And in Riverside, that boy was Jim Kirk.

Jim Kirk always ran his own way, did his own thing, and that got him in trouble. Nothing major, just little things. He always got off easy or early because he could be good whenever he wanted. That suited Jim just fine, until the summer after his 22nd birthday.

Then Jim Kirk met Pike, and he thought, _what the hell, what have I got to lose_. The answer was _a whole lot of nothing_. Winona had skipped off to the far corners of the galaxy full time with Starfleet as soon as Jim turned 18 and was no longer directly responsible for him. So he joined Starfleet on a dare, and met Leonard McCoy. It wasn't love at first sight, despite what all the cliched love stories say. It was more like 'what the hell is this guy doing, and what did I get myself into' sort of thing. They did strike up a friendship rather quickly. Both Kirk and McCoy were in the same situation. Nowhere to go but up, and they'd might as well stick together. Safety in numbers, if you believed that sort of thing. Normally, Jim Kirk didn't, but then, Leonard McCoy just had that kind of effect on him.

Even though Jim Kirk passed himself off as a ladies man, Jim did swing both ways. No one even batted an eye that Jim Kirk and Leonard McCoy came off as a couple, this was the 23rd century, for crying out loud. They denied that they were a couple for a long time. Jim never liked to pin himself down, just grinned when people asked if him and McCoy were dating. "Nah, we're just friends." The with benefits was always added on in Jim's thoughts, never said aloud. And if anyone did dare to ask Dr. McCoy about his personal life, they usually got the Eyebrow of Doom and a "none of your business," with a 'goddamn' thrown in if he was having a really bad day.

Of course, the fact that most of the general population thought that Kirk and McCoy were dating would probably explain why Kirk never got too far with the female persuasion at Starfleet. Well, except Gaila, but she was mostly helpful in other ways. But still pretty hot.

As much as they claimed they weren't dating, they really were. They spent most of their free time together, went out to bars together, and bickered like an old married couple. And the physical relationship, well, that just kind of happened. Jim was so touch starved when he joined Starfleet, once he realized that McCoy wasn't going to leave him, he was all over him. A hand on the shoulder here, a foot against a leg at the table there. And McCoy after his not so civil divorce, somehow subconsciously swore off all women all together.

After the Vulcan and Earth Incidents, Kirk was given the Enterprise, and of course, McCoy came with him. The fact that he was one of the best damn doctors and CMO's in the fleet was a good reason to put Bones on the flagship. The fact that Jim Kirk was romantically involved with him, well, that was just a bonus. Besides, Starfleet wanted to make their 'star crew' and 'poster boy' captain happy. Jim tried not to smirk as he sat in his ready room one evening. Sometimes he couldn't believe that he'd really done it, had really become a starship captain. He knew he'd stepped on a more than few toes on his way to the top, but there wasn't much he could do about it now.

Jim woke up early one morning with a start. It had been a nightmare, like the others that had been happening a lot more frequently lately. He sighed and sat up on the edge of the bed, trying not to wake Bones sleeping peacefully for a change. The dreams were always the same. Nero, taunting him, throwing insults, and sometimes, punches. Degrading his father, his mother, and everyone else in his life, and Jim himself, naturally. But he was getting better at dealing with them. When they first started happening, Jim would wake up furious, kicking and screaming. Bones was the receipent of more than a couple of these nightmares. He would always orient Jim to his surroundings quickly and comforting him when he would cry himself back to sleep in Bones' arms.

Jim Kirk was on the forward observation deck. He stared out over the sea of stars, and tried not to look at the planet below. This planet was not that planet not Tarsus IV, but Jim knew it was only one planet away. Which with the vastness of the many universes that existed, the offending mass of rock Jim Kirk hated with a passion might as well have been right next to the Enterprise.

Jim heard the doors to the observation deck open and close. He didn't acknowledge the person's presence. He knew who it was. Only one person would dare bother James T. Kirk when he was in the mood he was in. Kirk pursed his lips as he saw Dr. McCoy's reflection in the window. Bones wasn't fazed in the least. He came up next to the Captain and mirrored his pose, hands behind his back, staring at the stars stoically.

Finally the Doctor broke the silence. "I know that you don't want to go down there."

Jim looked over at Bones, and gave him his best _no shit_ look, but still didn't speak. Bones sighed, but kept talking. "Look, I don't claim to know everything that happened down there-"

Jim interrupted. "Trust me, you don't know. And you don't want to know."

McCoy tried not to sigh again. As Jim's doctor, he knew Jim would open up to him when he was ready, but as Jim's lover, it was so hard to see Jim close himself off like this. Bones pressed on. "Spock and I were talking, and we decided that if you don't want to down there, that Spock could go down as the Federation ambassador."

Jim turned to look at him, puzzled, but Bones continued before Jim could question him. "We could say that you're not feeling well, that you'd hate to infect a developing planet with a sickness, and I could write in my report that due to a resurgence with PTSD with you, I removed you from duty for this mission. Spock can handle it, Jim. But it's still your call."

Jim turned back to the stars and was quiet, although Bones noticed his anger seemed to be fading. After a few more minutes, Jim spoke. "I'm going down there Bones. What kind of Captain would I be if I didn't go down there, if I let you and Spock cover for my inner demons?"

Bones put his hand on Jim's shoulder. Jim sighed. "It's time to face the music, Bones. Deep down, I knew this day would come. But I sure didn't want to face it." Jim finally relaxed his tense pose, and let the stress finally leave him as he sat down on one of the chairs. Bones followed suit, and laced his fingers with Jim's, saying nothing.

Jim leaned his head back on the soft chair, slowly relaxing. After a few more minutes of silence, Bones spoke softly. "Just-tell me something. Sometime. When you can. Please."

Jim couldn't speak, just nodded, as they both sat together in the quiet observation room.

The sound of a heavy thump woke Leonard McCoy from his light slumber. He rolled over and seen that Jim wasn't in bed. Again. _Why can't Jim have his moments of insecurity during normal business hours? he thought._ Bones got up and went to investigate. He didn't have to go far. Jim was in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, staring at his rapidly bruising knuckles on his right hand.

Bones switched into Doctor mode, as he grabbed his med kit and started patching up Jim's fingers. As he reached behind him grab the hypo, he saw the recipient of Jim's anger. Bones looked at it in surprise, and then back at Jim, who dropped his eyes.

Jim kept his eyes down, and they both were silent as Bones worked. When he had finished, Jim still didn't look up. Bones finally broke the silence. "Okay." He sat down on the floor at Jim's feet. "You wanna tell me why you punched the mirror?"

There was a few more minutes of silence. "Because I was mad. At myself. I just-" Jim couldn't finish. Bones put his hand on Jim's chin, tilting it up. Jim left his eyes closed and leaned in as Bones pulled him in for a hug, Jim resting his head on his lover's shoulder. "Come on, let's go back to bed."

Leonard McCoy strode into sickbay. "Where is he?"

Nurse Chapel pointed to the curtain. Bones went over and pulled the curtain back forcefully, and drew it back again just as forcefully. Jim was sitting on the biobed, patched up by the nurses. He was bandaged, bruised and bloody, but Bones knew that his nurses wouldn't have let Jim sit there unattended waiting for him if Jim was seriously hurt. Seeing Jim relatively unscathed lessened Bones' anger, but only by a little. Deep down he knew that most of the time Jim got hurt doing what he had to do, but that doesn't mean Bones always had to like it.

"For crying out loud, Jim, what in the world were you doing down there? Another away mission, another myriad of minor injuries. Sometimes I think you like to get hurt, that you do this on purpose." He stopped short when he realized exactly what he had said, and looked at Jim, whose eyes were still downcast.

"Jim, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry." Jim just nodded into Bones' chest as the doctor's strong arms wrapped around Jim. "I didn't mean it like that," Bones whispered, not trusting his voice to speak any louder. "I know you don't try to hurt yourself, Jim, it's just that-" he swallowed, trying to keep his emotions in check. "-that, you worry me, Jim. I love you, and you're always getting hurt, and-" Bones couldn't contain it anymore, and tears started flowing down his cheeks. Jim drew away from Bones and then took him in his arms, comforting him, just as Bones had done for Jim so many times before. And they stayed that way for a long time.

Leonard McCoy woke up in their bed. Jim was sleeping peacefully, having almost healed from all the day's injuries. Some days, sleep was the only time Jim Kirk escaped from his captain's duties, and all the stress and responsibilities that came with it. He didn't know what was in store for him and Jim, but he knew that he'd right there along side Jim for the whole ride.

FIN

_Cowboy in Me_ lyrics, as performed by Tim McGraw.

I don't know why I act the way I do  
Like I ain't got a single thing to lose  
Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy  
I guess that's just the cowboy in me

I got a life that most would love to have  
But sometimes I still wake up fightin' mad  
At where this road I'm heading down might lead  
I guess that's just the cowboy in me

The urge to run, the restlessness  
The heart of stone I sometimes get  
The things I've done for foolish pride  
The me that's never satisfied  
The face that's in the mirror when I don't like what I see  
I guess that's just the cowboy in me

The urge to run, the restlessness  
The heart of stone I sometimes get  
The things I've done for foolish pride  
The me that's never satisfied  
The face that's in the mirror when I don't like what I see  
I guess that's just the cowboy in me

Girl I know there's times you must have thought  
There ain't a line you've drawn I haven't crossed  
But you set your mind to see this love on through  
guess that's just the cowboy in you

We ride and never worry about the fall  
I guess that's just the cowboy in us all


End file.
